Adapting and Communicating in a Foreign Country

Distant pastures are always greener, this is true in every walk of life. Once, I used to think that living abroad would be a great pleasure. How naive I was! Now after few yrs of being an expat, I have mixed feelings and am trying to gauge my thoughts...

At first, in Kuching (East Malaysia), I enjoyed the pleasant climate and good-natured people. I used to communicate by sign language with a neighbor, because both of us didn't know a common language.

Later in Kuala Lumpur (West Malaysia), even though many spoke English, at first it was difficult to understand their accent and style. Others used to say the same thing about my accent as well. After being there for 5+ years, more or less I started to speak/communicate like locals.
Now, here in UK, for the first few days it was like re-inventing the cycle, in terms of communicating with the locals. At a super market till, the cashier asked me something twice and I couldn't catch it. It sounded like this:

Chu nida bae?

She had to repeat it for the third time and finally I understood that she was asking me:

do you need a bag?

I was a bit embarrassed and lamented about this to a friend. Um, well, her experience gave me more confidence because she told that in her early days, she could never understand anything, even if the same thing was repeated several times! Nowadays, to overcome this situation, whenever I travel in public transport or be in a public area, I try to catch up with the conversation that goes on around me, but the intention is not eavesdropping:)

So far, I have never heard should, must or for that matter they don't even use can you. They are always polite. Let me share an experience to show their politeness or rather use of language. When you travel by bus, besides regular stops, there are several Request Stops. If you happen to wait at this type of bus stop, you need to wave your hand, to signal the driver that you need to get in. Similarly, if you have to get down at these stops you need to press the red buzzer in the bus.

Say, if you were unable to reach the buzzer, you would be requesting someone nearer to help you, right? I would have probably said "excuse me, please press the buzzer". But, I overheard someone's request, which was: Could you please ring the bell for me? That too with a pleasant smile. After that, she was profusely thanking the other person.

Saying thanks and sorry for even very small incidents is a part of the British culture. A friend, jokingly commented that these phrases are too natural and sometimes it looks like automated words without meaning, but so far, I have not had any negative experience in this area.

In public, usually people are lighthearted. Once an old lady was finding difficult to get up from a par bench. Just then, I had an eye contact with her. Immediately she had a beautiful smile and quipped: I need a pair of new legs.

Reality of Coming Home

This is my Competent Communicator Level 2 speech script (CC2) @ Toastmasters!

How many of you have lived outside India or out of your home town?

To me both the experience are more or less the same – to have a smooth transition I would say that you need to keep 3 important aspects in mind:

• Pace & prepare
• Setting right expectation
• Adaptation 

Like most of us, when I went to live abroad, I was all excited. This excitement alone helped me to cope up the new situation, in spite of not being prepared.

Our World Tuesday Blue

But the scenario dramatically changed when we came home as repatriates. We thought of giving ourselves some time to decide if we really wanted to stay back. 

While we were trying to figure out the right school for my daughter, I took up this new full time job after being a freelancer for more than 4 years. I was apprehensive about the work culture, in terms of timing and commuting. Suddenly, everything seemed too much for me, and the worst part is I was not prepared for what was in store for me, I just was overwhelmed. Even to take an auto or bus was a challenge because the dust and pollution was taking it’s toll on me. Some of you, R has seen my initial days in SW. How I used to get rashes and cough constantly. This was mainly because I was trying to rush things and get going. Instead of giving time, I thought that self- driving would help me to overcome the situation, without realizing that I would have road-rage.

It is all about expectations, I think I was having very high expectations on my driving skills. I was trying to follow road rules and be courteous on road, but I found everything on road was chaotic and couldn't believe that I used to ply the same roads without any difficulty! I was getting all worked up and swear that the road users had no civic sense. Basically, my expectations were incorrect and I was unable to cope up. When I tried discussing these issues with friends it was not well received. I was scorned and criticized that I was behaving as if am living in Chennai for the first time. If only I was more tolerant and set my driving expectations lower, I could have easily avoided getting into this reverse culture shock!

Once you know what to expect, adapting should be easy. But, since I was not tuned to setting expectations, adapting was also difficult. Usually, we do things habitually, so for anything and everything, we try to draw parallels based on our past experience. During my initial expat days, while shopping or be it vegetables or dresses, I used to convert Ringgit or pounds to Rupees and used to wonder why it is so expensive. When I came back, I had to re-learn in using rupees on a daily basis. I was getting all excited about how cheap things are. But, this excitement was taken as snobbishness and any casual remark was scorned. Finally, my mom did knock some sense in me by reminding that there is nothing to be excited about, and now, we were earning in Rupees and not in Ringgit!

See, everything boils down to preparing for the situation, setting right kind of expectation and adapting to the situation. Basically, when you are in Rome be a Roman. You can easily escape typical jibes of being labelled as ‘foreign returned’!

Note:

As soon as I saw the green card for 5 min indication…I rushed to finish and skipped to talk about this! So the speech had a tone as if am not happy to be back home. Actually I meant to close by telling how it is not always necessary to unlearn things that you have picked up as an expat!

Then, it doesn’t mean that you need to unlearn whatever you have learnt as an expat. For example, when a stranger smiles at me I used to turn back and see to confirm if they were actually smiling at me. Because, normally here I was not used to this simple act. But, now I still continue to smile at strangers too, without a second thought as a good will. 

Karagattam - Folk Dance

Any village festival in Tamil Nadu is sort of incomplete without Karagattam. Until, my last trip to India, I never had a chance to meet and take pics of the dancers. This time round, we met a group in Namakkal, (Tamil Nadu, India) who were practicing for a competition! So I'd a good photo opportunity:)

Balancing the karagam - For SOOC and Shadow Shot Sunday 2

Yes, balancing this pot (Karagam) on top of the head without holding it and performing graceful, yet fast paced dance (attam) movements is KARAGAATAM!

Ready to dance

Until then, I used to wonder if they tie up or 'glue' the pot on their head and disguise with makeup! But now, for sure I know that it is purely an art of balancing the decorated 'karagam', which is most important to start the attam!!!

They dance with so much grace that it is hard to believe how the pot royally sits on their heads.

At times, as a challenge, they lie down on their stomach by few dexterous movements and pick up a small piece of wood or fruit from the ground, while balancing the karagam!!!

The dancers are called as 'karagattakaran (men) and karagattakari (women). The music is also very peepy and you feel like tapping your foot.

The man in white is musician of this troupe!

Karagattam should be highly regarded and encouraged. But, it is not considered as 'fashionable' among city dwellers, so, I feel that this form of art is under suffocation.

Memories of Mama

Every time I say/think of mama, I can clearly visualize his smiling face and 'what next' attitude. He was like a rock to all of us. He was always young at heart and used to enthrall us with his escapades.

It all happened 2 years ago, when he came back from the US. He had lost about 10kgs within 6 months and all of us were naive enough and attributed it to the low fat diet, that too devoid of the daily dose of deep fried stuff like vadai, kaaravadai and bajji, while in US.

At the maximum we thought it might be diabetics. But, all our assumptions were wrong and he was diagnosed with with level 4 stomach cancer. Since then the fight against that deadly enemy started. He was facing it with grace.

It is hard to believe that, even 2 weeks ago, when I was in India, mama was driving, talking and laughing with us. Life is too short. His health deteriorated drastically within a short span and his last 3 days were terrible, for the family.

Though, he was unconscious the thought that he might be silently suffering was terrifying. Yesterday, mama passed away and I was unable to go home and pay my last respect. Direct flights to my home town was fully booked because of Chinese New Year. However, tomorrow morning am going home to India to be with my aunt and give her moral support at this tough time.

During my childhood, like any other electronic items, camera was an expensive stuff and only he had an imported Yashika (B & W) film camera. He was my first inspiration to photography and here is a tribute to him.

Scenic Sunday, SOOC

Mid Autumn or Moon Cake Festival

Like Indian festivals and related beliefs, Chinese festivals are equally colorful and filled with deep-rooted beliefs.

Purnima or Full Moon (Presenting this for SOOCS)

There is an interesting array of traditional food associated with the Mid Autumn or Moon cake festival, which falls on Full Moon day of the 8th month (Sept/Oct of Georgian calendar) of the Chinese calendar. Well, I'm not repeating the many stories associated with this festival, as you can find vivid representations online!

Moon Cakes - center filled with Lotus paste is my favorite

It is believed that in Ancient China, to dethrone a malevolent invader, message and plan for rebellion were passed through hidden slips in Moon Cakes during this festival!

A sweet with rabbit design, specially consumed during this festival

Pomelo - a type of citrus

Dragon Horn

Some of my friends call this as buffalo horn! Actually, it tastes like chestnut:)

Usually, all the family members gather to celebrate this festival and enjoy these goodies. We had one such celebration few years ago, at work...

If we celebrated with this many variety of food during tea time at work, you can imagine the actual spread at a typical family gathering!

Bulgogi - Meat on Fire

It was totally a new lunch experience with expat friends. Well, our Korean friends suggested that we go for lunch at Korean House Restaurant, in Bukit Baru Malacca.

Menu

As we didn't know what to choose, our friends (Korean) Sara, Catherine and Yong Mei decided on the menu and ordered for all of us. First, we were served with rice tea...

Rice Tea

It tasted like Chinese tea. After that a stove was placed on each table, so I was assuming that something like Steamboat is going to be served...

Bulgogi

Well, it didn't look like a steamboat and when Sara said the name of the dish, I heard it as wolgoki and was unable to pronounce it properly, so she wrote on paper as 'Bulgogi', where Bul = Fire and gogi = meat in Korean! So, it was meat (beef) on fire!!!

Bulgogi comes with an assortment of vegetables and meat, so our table was filled with lot of mini-plates:) Though am a die-hard vegetarian, I must admit that the meat dishes were aesthetically presented.

Bulgogi Set

Bulgogi has Beef as the 'king', followed by sides - fried anchovies, pickled shells, fish balls, omelet and steamed egg. Then few veg dishes - pickled cucumber and radish, fresh lettuce with thin slices of garlic, lotus root fry and salad with thousand island sauce. On top of it, a small plate of bean sauce was placed for everyone and it was reddish and resembled Malaysian Sambal or Indian kara chutney!

All of us were given a small box of rice. But, by then another plate of what looked like glass noodles was placed in our table and Sara and Yong Mei told that it was vegetarian. When I said 'I dun want rice, I'll just have this noodles', Sara insisted 'no no, this is a special dish we make only on occasions and you should eat it with rice'.

1st time eating noodles as a side dish for rice!

As the owner of that place was Sara's friend, he gave us two complimentary dishes...

Pancakes

They were Kimchi pancake with crab meat (the one on top) and Veg & egg pancake (the one @ bottom). I didn't try it, because they were not vegetarian.

Overall, I was surprised to see that I had quite a choice of veg-dishes! Especially I liked the way the Koreans eat the rice. Yong Mei gave a demo on how to eat rice...take a fresh lettuce, add a spoon of rice, followed by bean sauce and meat or any side. Now, fold it and eat! It was yummy:)

Melaka River by Night

Attracted by the Melaka River Fiesta banners, we decided to play tourist in the city where we live. It was my first attempt at night photography:)

Miniature of Dutch Windmill at Melaka City Center

We decided to take on a night river cruise, so went to the boat jetty...

Casa Del Rio on the banks of Sungai Melaka

Another view besides the ticket booth...

A view from the boat

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Appam Balik - Malaysian Crêpe

Yesterday at pasar malam (evening market in Malay) my daughter and I wanted to buy appam balik (traditional Malay crêpe), but the lady was just starting to light her stove, so we had to wait.

Brass Tawa

I was not hoping to take any photos, so I didn't have my DSLR with me. But, the situation was very tempting to take pictures, I'd to satisfy myself with my puny hand phone camera (Samsung BT3410).

Getting ready with the flour

Spreading

The way she swirled the flour reminded me of spreading dosai on the tawa!

Toppings

When the appam was half-way done, she sprinkled liberally with coarse groundnut and added a dash of sweet corn. Look at the appam where I've labeled 'Ratilator', it is plain without any topping. The flour was not spread evenly, which would result in soggy appam, so the seller decided that it was unfit for sale. What a professionalism!

Crispy Crêpe

Once done, she placed the crispy appam balik in this special stand! Kecil is small, and yes, 3 for RM1. There is 'besar' or large version too, which is soft, like pancakes.

Appam Balik - Besar

This appam besar is too soft and overdosed with peanuts, margarine and sweet corn. So, our choice is always the kecil, crispy version, which is also healthier, mainly because they don't add margarine!

Malaysian appam baliks are made of chickpea flour. Where as back in India, appams are made of rice and dal flour. My mom makes salty and sweet appams, sure I will be tasting it when I go home next month:)

Brunch @ Top of the World - KL Tower Revolving Restaurant

We planned to dine at Seri Angkasa Di Menara Kuala Lumpur (the revolving restaurant @ KL tower), several times, but we couldn't make it until recently because of several reasons! As it was a Sunday, we booked a table for their brunch buffet.

Just to get to the observation deck and enjoy the panoramic view you need to pay RM 38. Contrarily, to dine at the revolving restaurant, which is one level above the observation deck, the rate was surprisingly priced at just RM 70 per person. Since I have been to the observation deck a couple of times, I think opting to eat at the top is a much better deal for the kind of experience and the food they provide.

There was a good choice of vegetarian salads, but to be on the safe side I had requested for a vegetarian main course when we made our bookings, so I was given a plate of vegetarian Nasi Goreng (fried rice).

Though there was live music, nobody seemed to enjoy it...instead the diners were either busy watching the ever changing, breathtaking views or refilling their plates. Compared to my first experience on a revolving restaurant at Carnival Heights in Chennai (almost a decade ago), KL Tower was simply fabulous. Another bonus was that, the day was blessed with a clear blue sky and I had a chance to capture awesome shots using my cousins Canon EOS Rebel T1i!

It took about 2 hours to complete a circle, by then we were finishing our desserts.

Overall, it was memorable and I'd love to repeat it:)

Crystal Place Museum

Actually, Crystal Palace was a massive exhibition cum amusement park in the 19th and early 20th century. Originally, it was located in Hyde Park, London, for about 6 months and attracted around 6 million visitors and was relocated to Sydenham Hill in South West London. The Crystal Palace building was a mammoth glass and iron structure with two majestic towers on either side of the building.  In 1936, the entire structure was razed out by fire. Now, the Crystal Palace Museum holds the remnants of the glorious past.

Camera was allowed only in the entrance room and luckily, there were some interesting pictures and information, including this structural outline of the Crystal Palace.

Railway promotional material...

There were some interesting comments by the elite on this exhibition and here is a few that captured my interest:

• The park is desecrated by the greatest trash, the greatest fraud, the greatest imposition ever attempted to be palmed upon the people of this country. Col.Sibthorp. MP. 4th June 1850
• Whether the show will ever be of any use to anybody may be questioned, but of this I am certain nothing can be more successful. The Duke of Wellington May 7th 1851
• I find I am 'used up' by the exhibition, I don't say there's nothing in it, there's too much. I have only been twice, so many things bewilder one. Charles Dickens, 17th August 1851

Looks like there has been mixed reaction on the entertainment and show business right from those days.

The exhibition displayed the courts of various countries and here is a depiction of a grand Indian Court:

Well, there were some paintings and photographs that captured the fun and entertainment of those days. The first "flying machine" concept was depicted there and it was merely a children's merry go round that we find in any parks. But, the picture had beautifully captured the excitement of the people who were flying on it, as it was their first true off the ground experience.

Above all, what attracted me the most was the passion for preserving the past glories. Now, I understand why only caucasians visit the forlorn museums and archeological sites in India. How often do we try to do this kind of things at home, in India? We too have a very rich heritage, but it is sad that we do not consider spending or learning about our past, which helps us to understand our roots and also appreciate the present day conveniences.

Western Veggie Delicacies

Here in UK, there is a lot of choice for vegetarians. Am sharing a couple of delicacies that I enjoyed recently, I mean pictures of the yummy food...

Jacket potato with garlic, mushroom and cheese filling with a toss vegetable salad. As my taste buds approve spicy Indian and Chinese food, I thought that I would never be satisfied with a bland food, so I just ordered on the assumption that "as long as anything that is vegetarian, am fine with it". It was so delicious and filling.

Another soup based vegetarin meal...

The Broccoli and Stilton soup had a distinct flavor and was quite creamy because of the stilton cheese, but the dry baguette was a perfect match, whereas the vegetable samosa was an extra:P